Three Truths for the Barren

Infertility.

The silent, lonely struggle. You want to know that someone else has been where you are. That someone has felt the pain, has experienced the miscarriage of hope over and over again; and yet, you also want to know that they have survived it.

In looking for answers, you read articles that provoke more questions. All you want is a taste of hope, some assurance that this waiting will end someday. 

My friend, it is a hard time. But I’ve come to learn that you cannot hang your hope on a someday baby. You cannot wait to live your life until you’ve added “mom” to your resumé. You cannot allow children to dethrone God within your heart.

For you and for me, dear woman, there are three rock-solid truths that we can count on. No matter what else happens in life, these things will never change.

1. God is Sovereign

“Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I shall return there. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

It is not an accident that our God is called “the Lord”, which means Master. God is in control of everything. He controls if you conceive….and if you don’t. He controls when you conceive, with perfect timing. He also controls how many times you conceive. And He controls this, not just in your body, but in everyone’s. That means that when your friend announces her new baby, God caused it; trusting God’s sovereignty in others’ pregnancies will keep you from being destroyed by envy. 

In this time of waiting, you must preach this truth to yourself over and over. It may still be confusing and it may hurt, but the less you obsess over a baby and the more you practice trusting God, the sweeter you will be as you become like Jesus. Allow Him to reign and worship Him alone in your affections, thoughts, emotions, and actions; and your raging sea of pain will become calm. 

On a practical note, as a Christian, you have freedom to walk your faith right into your doctor’s office, trusting that your sovereign God may use your doctor to show you His plan for your fertility.

2. God is Good. 

“Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your word. You are good and do good; Teach me Your statutes.” Psalm 119:67-68

Whatever God does with you is the absolute best and right thing. Sometimes that is hard for us to see, especially if we wrongly define “good” as anything that we like; but God’s good is so much higher than that. Parents that give their children what the children think is good raise self-centered children; our Heavenly Father is in the business of raising Christ-centered children, which is His definition of good (Rom.8:28-29). Will you allow God to use this waiting time to conform you into Christ’s image?

Whether you are called to wait for a while before having children, or if God intends to bless you without children, know that it is the best thing. Believe in that, for not to believe that is to call God a liar. Infertility is really an exercise in trust, and that may be the very lesson He intends to teach you in this time—don’t resist it.

Trusting in God’s goodness means not just looking forward to a future good, but recognizing that His good gifts are scattered throughout your life now. Check out James 1:17: “Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.” Look around you and see how good God is to you.

3. God is loving. 

“Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ….But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” Romans 8:35, 37

What a powerful passage! We could spend time on our over-abundant conquest of any situation—even infertility—which certainly that is a noble truth. But notice the key role of God’s love in this truth. It is His love that these things cannot hinder. It is His love for you that brings you safely through any hardship.

Consider the theme of God’s love: He knows all that you feel, and He feels with you. He gently made your body in your mother’s womb. If He has children in store for you, He loves them more than you ever will. 

Know that, as He does what is right and good, exercising His sovereign best, He does not do so with a cold heart. His heart to you is tender and kind. 

Never accuse God of not feeling, knowing, or caring—Oh, yes, He cares.

Dear woman, take courage. As you struggle with this broken dream, look up from yourself to see that God has not changed. He is sovereign. He is good. He is loving. In your time of waiting, practice believing these truths, meditating on the Scriptures that tell you so. 

He is your hope.

________

Written by Abby