Ever since I was a little girl watching "Fiddler on the Roof", I have loved Hodel, the middle daughter, and her devoted spirit. Her key song, "Far from the Home I Love", has always given me tears, but now that I am married, it means much more to me than an emotional movie plot element. The lyrics paint a genuine picture of what God wrote in Genesis 2:24:
Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
So, what wisdom does Hodel share about "leaving and cleaving"?
1. It's unforeseen
"Who could see that a man would come who would change the course of my dreams?"
We don't know the future, but we know a God who does. Whether I feel that I've missed the boat or jumped on the wrong one, accept that His timing is right.
2. It's life-changing
"A man... who would change the course of my dreams.... Other dreams grow dim."
Whatever I was before marriage, I am not now. It truly changed me, my dreams, and my priorities. Things that were important to me are no longer.
3. It's unnatural
"Once I was happily content to be as I was, where I was, close to the people who are close to me, here in the home I love."
Naturally, I don't want to leave what is comfortable and familiar. Yet, that is what God called on me to do when He led me to my husband. So, I go knowingly go against the grain.
4. It's irresistible
"Helpless now I stand with him, watching other dreams grow dim."
Marriage either changes me and my husband to fit together as a new family unit, or it dissolves as we stubbornly refuse to change. There's no other option. Allow the dreams that don't belong in this new life to grow dim.
5. It's hard
"Leaving the home I love.... Oh, what a melancholy choice this is!"
Closing a beloved chapter of life is definitely not easy, even while looking forward to life with the man I love. There's a reason for the tears at a wedding: everyone knows that things will be different from now on.
6. It's deceptive
"Wanting home, wanting him...."
Both sounds right and good, but I can't have both. In this choice, I often second-guessed myself. Remembering the objective facts has helped me when I am double-minded.
7. It's all-consuming
"Closing my heart to every hope but his...."
This is not the popular view in our world. "Be yourself," they say. "Do what you love," they say. But there are things I must leave behind if I am to both survive and thrive in this new situation called marriage. I can't hold on to the person I once was or hoped to be.
8. It's necessary
"I must go."
In order for my marriage to work, I must leave behind my old life and cleave to my new life with my husband.
9. It's right
"Yet, there with my love, I'm home."
After all the wondering and doubting and clawing, it became clear to me that this is where I belong. Leaving behind my family, my dreams, my independence, my desires, in favor of going through life with the man I love, was God's plan all along. It's part of His desire for me, and there is no better dream than the one He has for me.
Whatever part of the Leave and Cleave process you are in, whether you're still waiting for some man to come, or you're on the other side and wanting home again, I hope these thoughts encourage you. Dear girl, it's not easy, but if it's God's plan, it's worth it.
Blessings,
Abby
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